Who Do I want to be?
I had a conversation the other day with a lady at MOPS and something came out of my mouth that I had never even processed myself before. I asked her "What kind of Mom and Wife do you WANT to be?" I told her to determine the answer to that and then work to BE that kind of mom and wife. I understand that our wants need to be realistic. I mean, I can't decide I want to be someone I am not, I just think if we listed our "ideals" then worked on them, maybe we'd be a better wife/mom by this time next year.
I am an inventory kind a person. I stay on top of things, and my husband can attest to this. I often ask him if he's happy, if I can do something for him, if he's happy with our marriage. I want to catch these things before its past fixing. However my kids can't asess their current situation quite as verbally, so its just one more thing I have to do for them.
Are they healthy? Are they thriving? Are they socially stimulated, emotionally safe, physically physical? And am I the kind of mother that I WANT to be?
Of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be better than what you are. Its just importatnt that it gets off your todo list and into your daily actions. I want to be a Mom that is teaching at the teachable moments. A Mom who doesn't have to convince my children that I love them, my actions throughout the day display this to them. I want my kids to feel safe to talk to me, to express themselves and their feelings to me (in a respectable way!!!). And of course there are SO much more... and more superficial like I want to be a fun mom, a creative mom, a happy and approachable mom... so how do I become that? They need to be things I work on daily. I have to have that list visible at all times. I need to practice self-discipline (God-discipline) and bite my tongue, or take time to talk. I need to express to my kids deliberately how much I love them... and WHAT I love about them! I think I have the fun part down... hehe! And if they complain, they are lieing! hehe
Same with my role as wife. I sure hope Dave feels supported and loved, but sometimes he gets the last of what the kids take up. I have to add to my wife list "give more time to your husband!"... and then rewrite it tomorrow and the next day and so forth. The Mom thing comes a bit easier to me, the wife part needs more than just the to do list... The actions are more intentional. Maybe its because I am with my kids 24/7 so I get more practice, and maybe its becuase they are children and are being RAISED, but they get the first of me and sometimes the last and I feel bad that Dave gets left-overs. And unfortunately, he hates left-overs... they just sit in the fridge until they mold... so I need to get that back on my to do list, and back to my original thought process here...
Basically, What I am saying (if you are lost too) is that life is a process... you can't just sit back and let it happen and then wonder why you can't ever be that person you always wanted to be. Live life intentionally. Make a plan and work every day (even if its in baby steps) to be who you want to be... and MAKE SURE you become the person God wants you to be.
So, Lord, What is that?