Emotional Lately??
This pregnancy is so different than the previous ones. And one of the major things that is "VERY NOTICABLE" is how emotional I am. There are days I just want to cry, don't really have a reason to, nor am I sad, or feeling down in the least little bit. However I just wanted to cry, and it won't take much to get me there. For a quick instance, watching the dad hug his daughter after she threw his one and only foul ball caught in the stands, back... that really got me! And for a good 36 hours after hearing the Green team woman from Biggest Loser's story about losing her family I was an emotional wreck!
But what I'd like to focus on here is what I cried about this last Wednesday Night. I take Zech to Cubbies on Wednesday nights. Each week Lily asks to go to. She wants to be a cubby so bad. So when it started up this year I learned there was a class for her age too. Puggles. I checked it out the first night, then came home discussed it with Dave and decided to let her go. Wednesday she got dressed with such delight, talking all the way about going to cubbies, and how much fun she would have. I reminded her that I was not staying but that I'd come back for her. She would frequently repeat the promise that I'd come back, but was confident in her excitement to go. I drop her off, she quickly says "Bye, Mommy!" and goes to play. No need to hug and kiss and prolong it. She knows I will come back. So I leave. My long walk back to my car I am reciting to myself "Don't cry! Don't cry!" I mean, seriously she's going to be there for 90 min. She isn't being raised by someone else, she isn't going EVERY DAY, she will come back to me!!! But as soon as I get in my van I burst into tears. WHY AM I CRYING??? The anxiety was just building up. my kids need this. My kids grow because of this. They may not NEED the spiritual training. That is something they get from us, and from our teachings at church. But they love the separation, the friends, and the independence. They need this to give them more confidence. So I know its a good thing and by staying and hovering, they won't get what they need to get from it. But it really filled me with such anxiety. I am not one of those moms that can't wait to get rid of my kids. I admit that I wouldn't mind time away from them from time to time. But mostly I enjoy being with them, teaching them, and watching over them. This is a dream job for me! And its hard to see them venture out without me. Rewarding to know that they are maturing into well rounded kids, able to socialize away from me, but hard to let them go. And this is such a little letting go... Oh, I hope its just pregnancy hormones!

So much. Brain swelling. mind racing.

Is it possible to have "nesting" but only among thoughts and "planning". I still don't have my 100% energy back, so there is no massive cleaning and organizing going on within the house (although every morning laying in bed my mind is delighting in how nice it would be... the body reminds me NO! when I get up!) But I've been really wanting to make some changes lately. More organized, more frugal, a better mom! I think there is something to being pregnant for a year (well, at this point since January) that changes a person. I didn't feel it with the older two. I felt like pregnancy with them was just something added to my life, it didn't slow me down, nor did it change my habits. However this time around (added with the last one) I am dragging every day. So, I am hoping this kick-start will change routines for us!
Pre-K starts in our home next week. I have new curriculum, the first month's lesson plans and worksheets are printed, labeled, and organized for each days use! I have a todo list, and a check list for purchases! I feel great. I pray it continues each month. I still have the classroom to tidy up and organize and switch around a bit for the "new year". But I am getting excited and a bit nervous as well. (maybe one of these days I will blog about my homeschooling philosophy... it differs from MOST I've met that homeschool... and that makes me feel a bit on the "outside"... but that's another blog!)
I have also begun to clip coupons, check the save big money blogs, and am dedicated to make some money for my family through massive savings! I am getting really excited, and then bummed that until I start getting the Sunday paper I can't save as much. I am organizing each coupon along with post-it notes telling me where to spend it, which store coupon to pair it with, and how to get most things FREE or for less than a quarter. This new adventure is going to take up more time, so that means I have to organize this time of mine even more. Its like I've picked up a few part-time jobs. 4 hrs of teaching a week, plus 2-3 hours finding fugal finds each week plus the added time shopping at the multiple stores. However, I save a preschool tuition bill, and so far without much searching I saved us $100 this month in groceries... so i am making my family money! And its kinda a fun job!
And here I am talking about this organization I am doing in my MIND but when it comes out in the blog I seem so disheveled! hehe! I guess its just what stays inside there that seems organized! I'll get better! (hey, I am just pleased that when I spell checked the word disheveled was spelled correctly... GO ME!)