My little Ballerina!

Well, its 3 days before my baby Lily comes... its 2:36am, and she has me up already! She thinks its a wonderful game to put her hands above her head (which, since she's already head down and ready to come out... this is UNCOMFORTABLE)... so she puts her hands above her head and twirls. Look at that picture!!! Do you see room for a baby to twirl? I am very ready to lay down comfortably, to be able to lift my legs without pain, to be able to turn over at night, run, ahh, and sleep on my tummy again! But then I think about how long she's been in there and how I feel her move and squirm and how recently she will poke her foot out and Dave and I can actually measure it, and I get sad for Tuesday! Tuesday I will wake up and not be pregnant anymore! I can say it in two totally opposite tones! Yipee! I will wake up and not be pregnant anymore... and OH NO! I will wake up and not be pregnant anymore! I just love it so much! But look at me! I really can't wait! Her room is ready, her bag is packed... she's coming on Monday! I will get to hold her in my arms and cuddle her, kiss her, and caress her! Oh how delightful!
I try to picture what she will look like, then I try not to so I can be surprised! I have her tiny little clothes layed out then I see that picture above and worry she won't fit in any of them! I look a these little bitty socks and onsies and wonder what it will be like. It seems like a while since I've held a baby so small. But I know it will all come back and with such enjoyment. I already have thoughts of how she's going to be. I believe she'll be laid back, go with the flow, patient, and very cuddly. Maybe because Zech was so bouncy and loud and not as patient as a mom would want. Still a very great child, but a bit more work in some areas. So I rub my HUGE belly and remind her that I already have the crazy active boy, and I can't wait to meet my calm, patient little girl! :)
But that won't be long now! Just the weekend, then she's here! I can hardly wait! I just hope I get to sleep soon!

Why do you have to be so grown up?

My son is not even 2 and he has to do things all grown up. He doesn't want me to hold his hand as he goes down the stairs, or even help him get his coat off anymore. Our screen door doesn't latch in our new home, so if the big door is open, he can open the screen and leave if he wants. Praise God he hasn't yet, but the thought that he's capable of doing it makes me so sad. Today, I was bringing in groceries and this little 20 month old opens the door for me. Who is this tiny (well, he was never a tiny newborn) little man that used to be my baby? He talks on the phone, "Yeah... hmmm, oh, okay... sure... bye!" its so grown-up!
He's going to wake up on Monday assuming all is normal. Then he will lay down for his nap, wake up and find out that he's a big brother. A BIG brother! No! he can't be! He's a baby! But no matter what I do, he keeps getting older and more "grown-up". And I hear this will not stop! Soon I will have another little tiny baby. And she might grow up too! What will I do?
I adore the new things he can accomplish, and even though its a pain that he can get out of his room so early in the morning, its nice to know we've taught him some independence... Its just that he could have waited a bit longer to grow up!
Dave's favorite thing now is how Zech will get up ever so quietly, open his door without a creek, and sneak into our room in the early morning. He walks up to Dave's side of the bed and gently brushes his cheek. Dave purposely rolls over about 5:30 am just so he's ready for the wonderful awakening! But I remember when I'd hear this tiny baby coo in his bed in the mornings, and I'd go in and peek into his crib and he'd look up at me and kick his feet, flail his arms around, and squeal in delight as I'd scoop him up and cuddle him in my arms. No baby bed for him. No sitting still so Mommy can come in and scoop him up. Its running and jumping and climbing stairs without Mommy now!
But he's still just as cute, and oh so intelligent! I marvel at all he can learn in one day. And how cute it is to hear him say "More Melk Pees!" or "Um, yeah, okay, mama!" in response to my questions. I guess its not a complete disaster for him to grow up... I just can't believe how quickly it happens!!!

" The things we do to our kids"

We weren't the greatest parents this week! We had a lot of work to do in the Youth room this week, so our days consisted of getting Zech up, feeding him breakfast and taking him to the church to play on the drums, or watch Veggie Tales just to keep him out of our way for the "work" times. We finally get that done, and pack him up without a nap and drove him 5 hours away to HOT HOT HOT Las Vegas. As our car begins to overheat, and we turn our a/c off, I look back at this marvelous boy, who just enjoys being with his mommy and daddy, as he falls into a much needed sleep amist the skin burning heat. We finally get him back home (well, to a hotel) and try to get him to go to sleep. He is happy in the hotel, and doesn't finally wind down until 9:30p. Then we make him get up early, get ready and fly all day. As much as he is enjoying the plane ride, he is building up a no-nap day, things his mommy and daddy are responsible to provide.
On top of all that, we get him off the plane and transport him to yet another church as we go to work to have a party. At this wonderful party, Zech is expected to behave, not be a normal 18 month old who hasnt been able to effectively nap. We want him to be sweet and adoring (which, in my opinion, he did pretty well the more tired he got).
As guests arrived and wanted to greet my adorable son, he yelled and screamed at them. He arched his back and protested very loudly. I was embarrassed. Maybe not really at him, but at my parenting. Why was my child, whom I raised (or am raising) not the perfect child? Well, then I realized. It is me who is not the perfect parent. He is doing what he knows to do in this situation perfectly!
"Oh my goodness! I have had no nap, no real food, my house is somewhere across the country, and I don't want to meet you right now! just get me my bed and a good dinner and let me be!" that sounds right! haven't we all thought about saying it?
So, to my perfect little boy, Mommy is sorry! I am sorry I put unrealistic expectations on you! I am sorry that not always can I provide you the things you desire. You were very adorable for the most part, we just couldn't share it with all the guests! But Mommy appriciates your effort, and resilance! You are the most wonderful boy! And I love you screaming and all!

NO

NO! Thats all we hear anymore! NO, NO, NO!!! It has become Zech's favorite word. So we decided to stop saying it ourselves. What a common word. I am constantly catching myself. NNNNNN--- STOP THAT... NNNNN--Please don't touch that hot stove! Its a very hard habit to break. But its amazing how much it has decreased already. I have patted his lips on occasion. But I am starting to hear the word "yes". Is it possible that we've come up with a solution and it has worked this quickly? My patience want to say yes! But my experience as Mom tells me, there are more NOs to come along.

"Hitting a nerve"

I've said that a thousand times this week. Lily must be laying a certain way, a majority of the time, that is "hitting a nerve". The pain from this runs down my left leg all the way into my ankle. I can feel great one minute, then she gets into that position, and BOOM! It hurts so bad I have to revert back to lamaze breathing to get through it! It truly hurts.

I am at my mother's for the week. And it hasn't been the best week for her either. She too has a nerve that has been hit! She is a caring mother, one that loves her children and would go to the ends of the earth for them... but like many other mothers, doesn't always see that the love is reciprocal! All her children don't repay her as they should. She is worthy of so much more than she receives. I for one, "Rise, and call her Blessed!" She is a truly wonderful person. But some of her other children haven't gotten passed that selfishness "stage" long enough to look at all she's done and be thankful. They continue to turn from their upbringing, and pay consequences my mom was sure to warn them about. She can have a wonderful moment of motherhood as she sees her grandbabies who are being cared for mind, body and soul, then it seems that Satan finds that sensitive nerve, gets in that position and BOOM! It hurts her so bad! The other children are messing up royally.
I can only imagine the pain of seeing your child turn from all you've taught them, what you've prayed over them, and what you've hoped they would achieve. I'd take the pain of a pinched nerve anyday!
So I pray over my children (even as I know my mother has) and continue to pray that God will capture them when they are young. I pray over Zechariah daily that he will Hate what is evil and cling to what is good. That he will always desire to do what is right, not just because mommy desires it for him, but because God requires it! I pray that Lily will have great role models that will lead her in a pure and holy lifestyle, not just for a good reputation, but for the reputation of the God she will so easily serve!
For both my children (and any that may join them in our family) I pray that they will behave in such a way that is pleasing to God. Not because of who Daddy is in our church, but because of who their FATHER is in heaven! I pray that as scary as it may seem to let them leave my home in the future, that Daddy and I will be confident that they will stay on the right path. And lately, I mostly pray that whatever personality trait these children of my mother's have that causes them to act against all the teachings my mother has taught and all the prayers she has prayed, will never come close to my children.
I have no doubt my mother has prayed these same prayers, and whispered late in the night prayers of desperation for the salvation of her children. I can see in her lifestyle that she God has required much of her and she has consistently succeeded. So I pray God will get me to that point as well without having to go through the pain a child can bring to their mother. Then it dawns on me... I see the pain in her as her son calls her in WALMART to tell her of his latest mistake. I see her self-control, and poise even when she wants to crumble on the floor in despair, and I realize that the pain she is going through is NOTHING compared to the immense pain our Father in heaven goes through when each one of us sins!
Motherhood can be so painful! And I am not so naive to think I will never feel pain from my children, but I pray that God goes before me, prepares me, and prepares my children for a lifetime of blessings from Him! I so desire to have wonderful kids who serve the Lord, and at this point I speak those blessing over them. So I pray, Lord, hold that nerve in me... Keep it safe. Keep Satan from finding my children and pinching the nerve! Not just for my comfort, but for the kiddo's. Keep them from the pain of sin. Let them have a spirit that desires You. To please you, to honor you, to keep you close! Give me the skills to show them right from wrong, and give them the personality that makes them want to do right. Keep rebellion far from them. Let them see the teaching Daddy and I give them as beneficial, and not just rules and regulations. I give them to you, mold them, shape them, keep them! I trust in You!
Amen!