Thursday, June 21, 2007






Nothing much to say... just wanted to put these pictures of the kids up... I needed to see their cute beings!!!




Tomorrow!

Tomorrow I am declaring a day off! HA HA! Tonight we had a concert on the lawn. I loved the concert and the people on the lawn... and as unfortunate as this is... All I could do was pray to God that He'd bring my Zech back!
It was a beautiful night. The music was great. I couldn't tell you one song they sang, my head was in a fog. My wonderful little boy has left the building. He ran from me at every chance. Refused to listen when I talked, and even hit and pulled my hair. Dave seemed to get peaved at me for getting upset, but Dave doesn't go through what I do day in and day out. I see kids that misbehave... its usually from parents who haven't taught their kids obedience, or they are not consistent with the consequences... I have done nothing but that. I have given reasonable boundaries, I have given the same consequences for the same behavior... and nothing works. I feel utterly hopeless... but I can handle that.
I just miss my son! I want to have fun with him. Hug on him, love on him. I am TIRED! I don't want to raise my voice, I don't want to spank, I don't want to run after him praying he won't run onto the highway. I am Tired! I feel like I pull on his arms, shirt, leg constantly to get him to go and stay where I need him. I miss my fun boy! Where is he!? I am tired!
Lord, my prayer has always been for him to Hate what is evil and to cling to what is good. I have always asked that he find delight in doing good. That he is a good listener and an even better obey-er. That he would learn to behave in such a way that it comes naturally that he would listen and obey you. I am scared. I am just so scared. I don't want him to run from you, to fight your every command. To defy your guidelines. Please, God, Help him. Bring him back! I have always said he is the most obedient wild child. He may run and jump and play wild, but he has always been a great obedient boy. Bring that baby back to me! Give me clues. I need techniques and strategies so I can teach him. Lord, let this be a reflection of how his relationship with you will be. One that is quick to obey, and that does so out of joy. That is what I pray for Zech. He needs your touch. I need your touch. I am tired. I feel so weary, and I am afraid I will fall. I don't know how long I can stand. Be my legs, be my mind, be my strength. I need you so bad!--

Friday, June 15, 2007

Bad Mother!


I know that for the MOST part I do not consider myself a bad mother. I feel good about the fact that I make a conscious effort to be the best Mom I can on a daily basis... but it didn't work today! Without any excuses, I will not list what Zech did... it doesn't matter, I was NOT a good mom today. I hate yelling. I hate what my voice sounded like as I did it, and I hate that I failed in a split second. That I didn't take time to love on someone I love with every last fiber in my being! I hate that my anger was taken out on a tiny baby boy. I never spank in anger. I know that my hands can express the anger and could hurt him, so I have and will NEVER do it! But I have never heard myself as I did today. I have cried most of the day because of it.
I always say, "Lord, Just let the good things always make the few bad things in my parenting fade away." And I prayed that with all my heart today. Even when I stopped to pray and felt undercontrol, I lost it again. It is not who I want to be, or who I EVER want to become. My house should be a safe haven. That is what I have always felt God has called our house to be. To youth, to church members, to my husband, to my children. I can't imagine what he felt as I screamed at him. And it literally tears me up inside. I
I have asked forgiveness many times. And I know that some kids have it WAY worse. They are hit and kicked and abused. But I won't say "I only yelled" because in the standard God has put on me, I disobeyed! I did what I know God has called me to be above. I am not trying to be "holier than thou" I am just saying that I KNOW God has called me to be a mother who acts in the way HE wants me to act. And screaming at my kid is not one of them. These children are gifts from God, how dare I! And again, I ask forgiveness. I know He forgives, and I know from the great and wonderful hugs and kisses and fun we've had since, Zech forgives. But I have not let go yet. And maybe for a reason. Maybe God is allowing me to be sensitive so I will always remember THAT incident, the look on Zech's face, the tears on his shirt, the hug afterwards, so I will remember that they are babies. That deserve nothing but my love and guidance. And that it is my obligation to protect them from ever having to be yelled at by anyone, let alone me!
So, I appologize to God, and to my son! I will do my VERY hardest to NEVER do that again!

Monday, June 11, 2007

SO WHAT!!!

So what, most of my blogs are about potty training! We made the mistake of taking a break for the weekend! Zech was not happy to resume potty training this morning. He fought me hard! I cried. He cried... Dave got on the internet! Yeah, I am still a bit peaved... but I emailed him and politely asked him not to do that EVER again!
I've been praying instead of losing it. I keep the smile on my face and grit my teeth underneath! I read the book on how to do it in 4 hours. As I read it I had my doubts. It sounds like Lily could do it. But a stubborn boy like Zech... ah, no! We are supposed to stay in one room and do nothing but potty train all day. We talk about dry pants, eat snacks and drink drinks and check our pants with the only interruption being going to the potty chair every 15 min. Zech can't stand to stay in one room. He wanted his toys, and he HATED when I mentioned his underware! Even if he was dry! He hated to sit on the potty and he hated to clean up his mess. So I eased up on the dry pants talk. Let him play a bit and still encouraged the snacks and drinks. He held it until I put him on the potty, screamed when I made him attempt to pull up his pants... but a majority of the time, he pottied in the pot. Not the potty chair like the book says... he refused! But in the big potty... And he gets down flushes and washes hands. Thats fine with me. He was dry for over 3 hours. He is napping in undies. And once he even came and got me to take him... and once he held it from his room to the living room potty without an accident! (I tried to put him on the potty right by his room, but it didn't have the child seat, so he waited until he got to the other one!)
My goal (and my prayer) is to keep on him, going every 15 min. Even after nap and all day tomorrow... then testing it and seeing if we can go to Oma's house on Wed. so we can practice away from home (but still in someone's home)... God! Help me!!!
And expect more potty blogs!!!

Friday, June 08, 2007

By Golly... I think its catching on!!!!

Its 10:30 and so far dry undies!!! He is showing signs when he has to go (grabing himself, whining or coming to get me) and he's successfully gone pee pee 5 times this morning. I am very impressed. Like I said, I think he's a fast learner and he will catch on. Not to mention the amount of time in prayer!

Well, as I typed this... he grabbed himself a bit too late and peed in the floor... Oh well!!! 5 times to one isn't bad!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Potty Training!!!

Yipee... I mean, oh-my-goodness, this is frustrating! I wanted to do the potty training in a day, but didn't get the book yet. So we tried anyway. We've been giving salty snacks (not that interested) and sugary, fun drinks (tea, lemonade, juice). I put him on the potty every 15 min until he pees then go 30 min. He hates leaving his game to sit on the toilet. But we've been singing songs, reading books, playing with flashcards... nothing, nada, zip! He pees 5 min after he gets down! Or, I miss it because I am feeding Lily and he goes 20 min instead. AHHHH! And its only been 5 hours! I am doing laundry, he's almost out of shorts. I have faith that it will get better. He's been a fast learning on most everything else. And did I honestly think he'd be potty trained by a trainer that knows NOTHING in 5 hours. NO! So we continue... no more diapers!!! And I mean it!

Colossians 3:17

If your ganna do something, DO IT RIGHT! Glorify HIM!