What if...

I've had this blog in my mind for quite a long time, so I finally get the chance, I think I'll record it!

As wife, mother, children's director, friend, daughter, sister, and WOMAN, I think its only natural that we think "What if..." Its a daily thing for me.

What if Zech's 12 and is still asking for his pacifier? What if Lily never speaks? What if my husband thinks I am a slob who has given up on the house? What if parents think I am not teaching their kids enough on Sunday mornings? what if I don't confront a friend? What if I do? What if my mother never calls me again? What if I had a better relationship with my sister? What if I totally screwed up as a woman today?

The what if list can go on forever. I ask them all the time.

They can come in the shallow forms. What if I had just two extra arms. Could I get more done? Could I give more hugs, could I carry groceries and backpacks, and diaper bags, and kids? What if I had stretching arms. Could I spank without having to even get off the couch? What if I could do one step and it equal 4? I could definately use that!

They come in normal thoughts. What if I save and don't overspend this month, will we have enough money for extra photo equipment? What if we just eat turkey burgers everyday this week, that saves in grocery bills. What if I put these shoes with that skirt, will my ankles look skinnier?

Then there are those deep what ifs that seem to really bombard my mind.What if homeschooling wears me out, or what if it energizes me. What if I didn't give enough hugs during the day. I ponder if the kids will get saved young and seriously pursue God for the rest of eternity... What if? What if they become the new generation of complete sold out believers? and then again... what if they don't? What if I can really teach them what it means to seek God and all the great and wonderful things that come out of it, and they reinforce it with their siblings... and then the dreaded... What if they don't? What if the things of the world appeal to them regardless of how I raise them? What if Mommy's words don't stick in their heads when the time comes and they have to make their own decisions? What if... What if...

What if I pray? What if I give these worries to God? What if He actually listens and is already taking care of the answers RIGHT NOW! What if He is true, and His word is Hope, and His everlasting love and investment in our lives is REAL?

What if I accept that when I raise my children in the way they should go, when they are old they will not depart from it.

Well, I have to come to the conclusion that if I did all those things, there'd be way less things to wonder "what if..." about.

What if I actually believe and act? HMMM lets see?

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

My Baby Boy

When I found out I was pregnant with Zech it may have been the greatest day of my life up to that point. My wedding day was TERRIFIC, but it was a guarentee! I knew it would happen, I knew it would be great. But getting pregnant didn't happen right away, so seeing that VERY faint line on the test was the greatest moment... up to that point!
The day they told me that they were going to schedule the C-Section for March 4th, I loved the date... 03-04-05 It was going to be unique, something I knew he'd be! That day came, I woke up SO early. We had to be at the hospital by 7am. I couldn't wait. We arrived at the hospital, and I got really nervous. I didn't know what to expect with the surgery, and I was so scared for his health. I didn't have a voice, but had I been able to speak, I was completely speechless. Everything that could go wrong ran through my mind. I began singing "Put your trust in God" over and over in my head. I shook so bad they could barely get the spinal in place in order to start the process. When Dave finally walked in the OR, I asked him to sing to me. He held my hand and watched the proceedure. Then I asked "Have they started yet" and not even 5 seconds later they shouted, "There he is..." They showed me this huge purple-y smushy baby... for about 3 seconds. It broke my heart to see him such a short time. My mind did not have enough time to process what he looked like. I looked at Dave and told him to go with him. I laid there praying, saying "Keep crying, Baby!" The doctor announced how large he was and how happy she was with the decision to go ahead with the c-section. The nurses spoke with glee about this baby boy that I barely got to see.
Soon Dave walked over with my baby Zech in his hands. The best moment in my life!
He was SO chunky! but looked so small in Dave's arms. I couldn't wait to unwrap him and look him all over. I wanted to kiss every toe, and see his hair. I knew the first 5 seconds of staring at him I would never forget what he looked like! He was an angel!
That very first day he screamed so hard I looked at him and thought, "What could be so horrible!" he was a determined baby. When the breast milk wasn't available at the touch of his lips, he wanted to let us know how upset he was about it. He screamed and screamed and SCREAMED...
3 years later that same personality, though subdued a bit, is SO evident. He is strong willed, He wants what he wants right away... but he is just about the sweetest, funniest, smartest boy I've ever had the honor to know! And he's mine!
He may get 9-15 time outs a week, but he gives 20-25 hugs and kisses a day!
He may tackle his sister over a match box car, but he lovingly kisses her forehead for no reason at all. He may want what he wants RIGHT NOW... but he learns things before I get the chance to teach it!
He is so smart, such a quick learner. He loves order, and is a great organizer. Once he finds out that there are easier ways to do things, he is quick to give up the bad habits.
He's such a great and wonderful, terrific and awesome super cool kid! His 3 year old body sitting in my lap melts my heart. He has captured my affections and will have a very endearing hold on my heart for the rest of my life. I see him growing into a wonderful, God loving child, who loves to sing God's praises, and looks forward to his time in church. I look into the future and see a young man that serves God with a strong will, God's! I see him going after what God has laid out for him with great passion! And I continue to pray that he will hate what is evil and cling to what is good! My Zech! I love you, buddy! You are such a joy to me!

Zechariah David 03-04-05

10:11am

9lbs 5 oz

Zechariah David (and that famous Smile)

03-04-08

32 lbs!

There WAS a slide show here, but its acting silly !!!