Its official! I am FINALLY out of the 1st trimester! I've been in this dreaded 1st trimester since January. With only a technical week between the two pregnancies, I've had low energy now for 6 months! I wasn't as sick the first 10 weeks, but with the 2nd pregnancy I've been sick now for a little over 8 weeks! I am ready for it to be past. I am looking forward to feeling those little flutters and kicks! I really look forward to Zech and Lily getting to feel it. Zech is really excited and has been dreaming about this ever growing baby inside me.

My tummy is getting big fast! I am hoping it tapers off for a bit. I have outgrown most of my pants. I have one maternity pair of jeans, and I bought two pair of gaucho pants to accommodate the bigger belly. I hope that will hold me until I get to the fall and can wear jeans and pants. Then I can justify spending money on the pants.

I am beginning to feel better and have more energy, but I am stuck in the middle of no nap needed and "oh now I over did it" stage. Then I crash about 8pm!

The baby is the size of a lemon now, my uterus is supposedly the size of a softball. I am thinking more like a soccer ball! hehe... not quite!

The baby is beginning to practice swallowing (you don't want to know what it swallows!), and its eye lids are gaining muscle strength so they can open and close later. The most exciting thing is that the brain is developing very rapidly. synapses are forming vigorously making him so smart!

I am still in awe of this little one! so happy to have him in there (or her in there) and so blessed to get to carry this one! Thank you, GOD!

It just melts my heart!

So at 11 weeks my little blessing baby has all its organs! They may not function completely on their own (thats why he needs me!) but they are all present. My rocket scientist baby is practicing opening and closing its fists this week too. Those little fingers and toes are REAL fingers and toes, no more webbed, amphibian type fingers and toes!
This week is the biggest growth spurt my baby will every go through. It will over double in size and will begin to add more and more functions daily! I feel a nap coming on! This is an important week! The baby has made it past the crucial times and will now focus on perfecting each bodily function!
I look at this picture, and melt. I feel so SO pregnant all the time! And I talk to him (or her, I guess) all the time. I rub my belly and remind him that he's such a wonderful gift from God, That I love him tremendously, and that he has this mighty plan already for his life! That God has a purpose and desire to see him grow and develop! And I weep thinking of how people can decide even at this stage to abort their babies! I think about how many "scientists" if they found some organism in a lake that had every organ we adults have, could move independently, and had measurable brain waves, would they not do everything they could to protect this newly found "LIFE"? Yet we have these babies with souls and heartbeats, livers, pancreases, neurons... the list goes on... and so many that discard them for "convenience" sake. It breaks my heart!
This will probably be our last pregnancy, and although I am sick about 60% of the time, and tired the rest of the time, I cherish the opportunity to carry this baby! I am thankful to my God for the gift of this awesome life within me! One more week and I will FINALLY be out of the 1st trimester!

We already have names! If I didn't mention them last time, here they are... (if I did, oh well, you can see them again!)
Nathanael Paul (Call him Nate) Nathanael means Gift from God... and there is no doubt that this baby is a true gift to us! Paul is Daddy's middle name! If my sons can be half of what their daddy is, they will be completely awesome boys! (Zech has Dave's first name!)
OR...
Ruby Anna. Ruby is a gorgeous red jewel. Very precious, very gorgeous... just as I assume this little girl would be. Anna means Grace; favor... and its been obvious to me throughout this pregnancy that God has shown favor upon me! His grace is sufficient!

Oh Baby!

So, its been a fun year... hehe! Not completely, but its been 6 months now that we've been in 2009, and as I blogged about before, a rollercoaster ride is all I can compare it to. In January we found out we were pregnant. I was so overjoyed. Then in March we found out we lost the baby, I was so overwhelmed with sadness. Then in the end of April we found out we were pregnant AGAIN! This is the part of the rollercoaster where you are smiling with tears of fear streaming down your face.
I had been charting my Basal Body Temp since the D&C March 27th. I wanted to see if I could figure out my cycles. I had no clue what to expect after a pregnancy loss, and a d&c. So I got up everyday and took my temp and recorded it on really cool site I found.
Around mid april I went to the drs office for a UTI and asked the dr to take a pregnancy test before they prescribed me anything. The dr said the test was negative and explained that I would probably ovulate late because of the recent events. So I had some left over ovulation kits from back in Dec/Jan and tried those. They were indicating that the date was approaching, however i ran out of tests. I didn't buy more thinking that I wasn't sure if I wanted to be pregnant right away anyway. So I was just continuing to chart my temps. Then one day the website says that I had ovulated the day before. I was a bit bummed at the idea that we had missed it, but thought "Oh well, this is in God's hands, and He knows if I can handle it right away" So I continued to chart to see if I could determine with the end of the cycle would be.

Well, the temps kept rising, and next thing I know the website is telling me that my temps are showing signs of pregnancy. I showed Dave, asked him what he thought. He just brushed it off. Then I started feeling sick. I counted the days, and was only about 8 days past when I supposedly ovulated... but I was definately sick. So I waited 2 more days and thought "well, maybe I can wait until monday (it was friday)." I was cleaning under Lily's bed when I had horrible side pains. I'd felt those before, so I looked and lo and behold I still had a pregnancy test under the sink. I took it about noon, and it instantly came up... POSITIVE! I literally fell to my knees and cried... and cried... and cried! I kept saying "thank you God, now keep it healthy!"
I called dave and told him he needed to be praying for me. He asks why and I tell him I took the left over pregnancy test. He immediately assumes I am upset that I took a test to find out its negative. He says "Why did you do that!?" I then tell him that I was pregnant. And of course I begin to cry!
I call my dr, he has me get my hcg levels checked until they reach 2800 and I am far enough along for an ultrasound.
I get my first Ultrasound! I go in and the tech asks my Last Menstral Period... I tell her that technically is was in January, but I informed her of the D&C. I tell her that I'd plotted my temps and know when I ovulated so we could date the pregnancy by that date... yeah, they don't do that! So she puts on the screen that I SHOULD be 6w4d. But I kept in my mind that I am probably 5w2d. She informs me that the baby is very small, and that I am not measuring 6w4d. So I say "Am I measuring around 5w2d?" She says very enthusiastically, "Yes! You are measuring 5w1d!" Then she knows that I am just REALLY early. She thought she detected some fluttering, so she has me hold my breath and try to keep as still as possible. It was completely amazing! As soon as my body was still its like the tiny dot on the screen had another even smaller dot inside that had the tiniest of flutter. I about DIED! I was so happy. The tech said she had never seen a heartbeat this early before. She raved about the new equipment and how wonderful it was, and how she's been there so long, and was so blessed to get to see that tiny little flutter (too small to even measure!) I responded with "Yeah, God just wanted to bless my socks off today! That was ALL for ME!"

I cried all the way to get the kids

About a week later, I woke up about 4 am and discovered that I had been bleeding. I was terrified. I woke Dave up, had him pray for me, then headed to the Living room to discuss this with God. I just told him flat out that I was VERY confused, that I thought for sure that I had heard him correctly, and felt very confident that He was going to give me this baby to have, to hold, to nurture. I didn't feel like I was losing faith in GOD, but in myself. Did I really hear him? Why was I so positive and felt so blessed only to have this baby die too. I was so upset. I ended up going to the ER and asking them to just look and tell me if it was all over. The dr looked and saw no blood, said the cervix was closed, so they had me go down for an Ultrasound. I got the same girl from before. She explained at the very beginning that she could not show me anything on the screen because I had come through the ER. I tried not to crane my neck to see, I tried not to look at her face, I just prayed. Then she turned the screen towards me, and said... "See that strong heartbeat?" I lost it. I cried and praised God so hard. I had to stop and sit still so she could finish the ultrasound. I was just so relieved. My baby was measuring perfectly, to the day, and had a very strong heartbeat.

I was diagnosed with a Subchorionic Hematoma, where the baby's sack separates from the Uteran Wall. It causes bleeds in the uterus, which, duh, come out... but the baby is fine! I was put on bedrest, and other restrictions. I was still very scared. I felt so out of control with fear! If I bled, I couldn't stay calm. If I felt better that day, I'd freak out. I was not myself. then I heard a song saying that God is my healer, he will calm my fears, and my raging seas... I needed it so bad that day. I needed to give things over to God. I needed to let him carry those burdens. I couldn't do anything to help myself. I needed His healing.

Since then, I've had 2 more Ultrasounds, all look positive, all have great heartbeats, and the most recent one revealed that the hematoma is perfectly fine. My dr raised our success rate to 95-98%! The same as 2nd and 3rd trimester patients!
This baby is doing fine! I am about 10 weeks, and already showing. I am sick sick sick... which is weird since I never had that with any other pregnancy. However at the very beginning, way before I even found out, I asked God to give me a small sign that everything was okay, something that would remind me daily that baby was there and growing! And he blessed me with lots and lots of nausea!
So, I feel like I've gotten to the part in the rollercoaster where I can start to enjoy it. I can let go, raise my hands and let out a "HALLELUJAH!" I am sure there will be more scary parts to this year, but I've already learned that the belt is fastened tight, I am secure, and to sit back and enjoy the ride!

Oh yeah, the due date is Jan 11, 2010!