Who Do I want to be?
I had a conversation the other day with a lady at MOPS and something came out of my mouth that I had never even processed myself before. I asked her "What kind of Mom and Wife do you WANT to be?" I told her to determine the answer to that and then work to BE that kind of mom and wife. I understand that our wants need to be realistic. I mean, I can't decide I want to be someone I am not, I just think if we listed our "ideals" then worked on them, maybe we'd be a better wife/mom by this time next year.
I am an inventory kind a person. I stay on top of things, and my husband can attest to this. I often ask him if he's happy, if I can do something for him, if he's happy with our marriage. I want to catch these things before its past fixing. However my kids can't asess their current situation quite as verbally, so its just one more thing I have to do for them.
Are they healthy? Are they thriving? Are they socially stimulated, emotionally safe, physically physical? And am I the kind of mother that I WANT to be?
Of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be better than what you are. Its just importatnt that it gets off your todo list and into your daily actions. I want to be a Mom that is teaching at the teachable moments. A Mom who doesn't have to convince my children that I love them, my actions throughout the day display this to them. I want my kids to feel safe to talk to me, to express themselves and their feelings to me (in a respectable way!!!). And of course there are SO much more... and more superficial like I want to be a fun mom, a creative mom, a happy and approachable mom... so how do I become that? They need to be things I work on daily. I have to have that list visible at all times. I need to practice self-discipline (God-discipline) and bite my tongue, or take time to talk. I need to express to my kids deliberately how much I love them... and WHAT I love about them! I think I have the fun part down... hehe! And if they complain, they are lieing! hehe
Same with my role as wife. I sure hope Dave feels supported and loved, but sometimes he gets the last of what the kids take up. I have to add to my wife list "give more time to your husband!"... and then rewrite it tomorrow and the next day and so forth. The Mom thing comes a bit easier to me, the wife part needs more than just the to do list... The actions are more intentional. Maybe its because I am with my kids 24/7 so I get more practice, and maybe its becuase they are children and are being RAISED, but they get the first of me and sometimes the last and I feel bad that Dave gets left-overs. And unfortunately, he hates left-overs... they just sit in the fridge until they mold... so I need to get that back on my to do list, and back to my original thought process here...
Basically, What I am saying (if you are lost too) is that life is a process... you can't just sit back and let it happen and then wonder why you can't ever be that person you always wanted to be. Live life intentionally. Make a plan and work every day (even if its in baby steps) to be who you want to be... and MAKE SURE you become the person God wants you to be.
So, Lord, What is that?

Just when I think I may have an inkling of understanding...

I just recently finished the book The Shack by William Young. I THOROUGHLY enjoyed it and look forward to a time that I will read it again and again. For the time being, I am still trying to wrap by brain around it all. It is a easy read time wise, but I spent a couple of days just re-reading some of the truths within in. This man has an incredible (and very personal) encounter with God and some of the things that is revealed to him during his time with Him shattered my preconcieved ideas (and I even got Dave to look at some hard core "belief's " he's held on to for so long). One of the central themes I took away from the book is the indepth concept of it is not about me! I've always said that, but its SO true. The religions we establish, the relationships, the laws we abide by, the truths we hold so dear are all about ME (well, you in your case!). God really spoke to me the other day when I was running late for MOPS. I hate being late. I hate when other people are late so I feel I should always practice time management and get places on time. I am stressing out on my way there and I stop myself realizing that the traffic will only go so fast, and my car should only go the speed limit so why am I so stressed. I began to pray. I felt like God asked the question "Why do you have to be on time to a Moms group?" And of course I gave him the most honest answer "I don't want to be late!!!" God presses for my real answer, "WHY?" "I want to be a good person!" And although I don't think this conversation was AT all about being late... it was about my reasons for why I wanted to be on time... I want to be a good person. Isn't that all about YOU? If its important to be timely shouldn't it be to glorify God? Although I believe God wants us to be on time, its to point to Him. This reoccuring theme has been coming up in prayer time, in my everyday activities, in my devotions... Its not about me. I feel I have had this on my mind when making decisions and have felt it coming easier for me... not EASY, just easier... Then on something happened this week that was my "test" and I am not sure I can really allow myself to think about it enough to digest it. Its a bit too personal to let ANY reader read, so I will be vague. I've been praying for some things lately and am learning to wait up on God for them. I've done this before and I thought I'd be fine waiting. Then some other news came making me long for my prayer even more. I broke, I wanted to start questioning God if he'd ever answer. But then realized I don't see the big picture. I don't see the WHYs behind how God does things. And I stopped thinking about how this world doesn't revolve around ME! This is a hard concept! And I am really trying. We humans are just so limited! WE allow our vision to be limited and our actions to be limited. I just can't imagine all the things God could accomplish through us if we'd just stop putting ourselves, our wants, our "image" before God... isnt there a commandment about that?

Where is Jesus?

In Cubbies Zech is sent home with a story and a verse to go over at home. We've added it to our homeschool curriculum. So this week I tell Zech the story of when Mary and Joseph "lose" Jesus.
I tell the story each day in hopes he will be able to tell the story himself by the next day. So I begin the story asking him to fill in the blanks
"Jesus' Mommy and Daddy have lost Jesus! Where is he, Zech?"

Zech replies "He's in the Bathroom!"

Life

A couple of weeks ago my husband and I hosted a small group. We called it young marriages. We are starting to notice a trend among those that get married. Its HARD! And there is little training on the subject. You go through 8+ years to operate on the heart, and nothing (maybe 6 wks premaritial counseling) to be close to someone's heart. And as Dave has been finishing up his Bachelors on the topic (Family Studies) he and I noticed that some people may need help. I don' t know how it came easy for us. I don't know if its our personalities, or that God would someday put marriages on our heart and knew that we could only minster if we had a healthy one. So... as I was saying, a couple of weeks ago we held our first young marriages (those marriages under 10 years old) group. We challenged them to go see Fireproof and then to romance their spouses. With the preparation of this challenge Dave and I began to pray for marriages. And ours got even better. We just happened to have more patience, talk more, notice one another more. So we went to see the movie (amazing ministry tool!) and loved it. We spent a week doing nice things for one another, and putting each other first. Its so fun when you bring it to a new level. We also realized how hard that was, and how impractical it was. Getting Dave chocolate becuase he loves it is romantic, but not substantial. It won't save a marriage. Dave doing the dishes for me makes me feel great, but it doesn't build our marriage closer (although I do LOVE his help!) So we picked up the book "The Love Dare" done in the movie, and decided that it was a better tool than trying to come up with everyday "things" This book is so real.

Day one-- Stay patient, say nothing negative about your spouse or to your spouse. It was easy, we didn't have to choose to say nothing... and it already seems to be making us more aware.

I am not saying we never argue or get mad, or even act a bit selfish in our marriage, but I am saying that even great marriages can get better! and I have always stood tall next to my husband who works with me to have a good marriage!I am blessed and I pray God uses that in us to bless others. It will be 8 years in 3 months. And thats just a drop in the bucket! I want it to be great for the next 80!

So, if you need a boost, no matter if you are living in marital bliss or struggling... get the book

http://thelovedarebook.com/