I am NOT saying what it sounds like...

I just want to make it clear from the beginning that what is about to be said does not mean what most people would think it means...

I miss being pregnant! ha ha! I love every part of it, even when it hurts and causes siatica and leg cramps and FATness, I still love it. My sister-in-law is in town, 26 weeks pregnant. I want to talk about it all the time. I find myself saying things like "When I was pregnant...." Way too much! I want to touch her belly and make the baby move! But I remember "when I was pregnant" I didn't like that, so I didn't ask!
Being around her and having discussions about babies and giving Nick some odds and ends "knowledge" (like not to feed a baby out of the babyfood jar unless you plan on finishing it, or not to put blankets in the crib... or the all important, some baby girls can have mini-periods after birth) has made me appriciate motherhood. It can be so hard, and SO fun! It can be so stressful, and so peaceful. You can be the source of much anger, but also be the one they want when they are hurt.
As I've been writing, Zech has been such a handfull, but this entire week has been WONDERFUL! He has been a big boy, short tantrums and quick learner. He is realizing how much fun things other than tantrums are and he has embraced that. He is the object of the family's attention, smiles, "ahhh"s and entertainment. He's my Zech again. And for me, thats a HUGE success in motherhood.
All that being said, I don't want another baby right now! I'd love it if that is what God surprised us with, but I hold lily and cuddle with her, and I need her to be the baby for a good while. I think she needs to be the baby for a good while. She is just so loveable, so cuddly, so adorable, and halairious! She is hard to describe but I can see something in her that totally amazes me.
I have been learning to seek out the "reasons" or the SONshine in the storms, so I look at Zech's intense personality and praise God for the passion he will have towards his savior, and the anger he will have towards sin. and that gets me through the (almost non-existent) temper tantrums. I look at Lily's constant clinging as how she will cling to her savior. How she won't settle for anything else, and will work her way up to HIM, staying face to face with Him as much as possible. And that gets me through the lack of space for the day.
Oh, how I look forward to my next pregnancy... but Oh, how I bask in the TODAY and the wonderful kids I already have!