I Just Want to TRY!!!


I gave my husband a huge lecture in the car yesterday about a comment he made "I know I should" in regards to how we need to act as Christians. But then that "should" comment was followed by "I'm not going to". There are times when I think my husband throws fits just as much as my two year old son, just in less of a screaming-and-crying-throwing-yourself-on-the -ground way. However, back to the lecture and the message behind it... My lecture was in esssence telling him how bold it is to say aloud that you know God wants you to behave in such a way as to glorify Him, but you flat out ignore Him... not only ignore Him, but say a big fat NO! to him. You tell God, "Yes, I know you want me to do that... but I WON'T" Isn't that disobedience ending in deliberate sin? (Well, as you all know I LOVE my husband and always watch myself as to not bash him in any way. I admire his honesty, and the way that even though my lecture was more of a womanly reprimand, and probably annoying as all get out... I could tell he did try to do what he should do... and therefore, I am VERY proud of him... not only for listening to ME! But for listening to GOD! But... my husband is NOT what this blog is about...)
I have been praying for guidance when it comes to my son. I think he has the best personality and that his intensity will pay off in the long run. That it will serve him well at whatever he does later on in life. But right now, he is having a really hard time controlling that intense behavior.
I had a dream a few nights ago that is still stuck in my head. A large wolf like person came into his room as he lay asleep and began throwing him against the wall, and hitting him, and hurting him. As I came in the room I rebuked this demon and tried to mend the hurts... but he was not hurt. I was not scared, I was not angry... I just prayed. When I woke up, I was not emotional, I did not run to his bed side like I think I would have had it been a real "BAD" dream. It was almost like God was giving me some insight. However, I am still praying for more of it.
I know I should do more. So I decided I would make the effort and DO more. So I scheduled out my day. I got some chores done during breakfast, got the kids dressed, and got ready myself. Then when Lily went down for a nap I decided to spend some good ole alone time with Zech.
We painted. He threw a massive fit just getting the smock on. Then he calmed down and painted. When that was over we played in the sink to wash off (for over 15 minutes... with the water running) He threw a massive fit getting out of the sink. I got him dressed and picked out some fun books. He ran from me. I followed and read them any way. He listened some, but mainly stayed away and played cars. When I played with him he was angry that I didn't go the right way. I tried.
We had a blast dancing and playing before dinner. I was so pleased. I'd forgot about the morning. He played at Kids Club... was a perfect angel! We went to the park, he met a new friend... He was VERY nice to the boy. He shared his goldfish with his sister, held her on the swings, laughed, slid down the HUGE slide... HEAD FIRST (scared Mommy!). And I was high on pride for him!
So I thought it'd be nice to go to the store just the two of us. He threw a fit the entire time we were in the store. I tried!
Then we came home, and he went straight to bed. However an hour later he was still playing. I opened his door and asked if he'd like to have a special treat and get up and take a shower with Mommy. He was so excited. Acted so grown up. "Oh, yeah, Mommy. I need a shower." As soon as we get in there, he starts screaming hysterically! I can't figure it out. Maybe its just alone time with Mommy! But, Lord, I am trying! And I want so bad to succeed! I will follow YOU, O Lord! And if you want me to, I will try again tomorrow!