Tomorrow!

Tomorrow I am declaring a day off! HA HA! Tonight we had a concert on the lawn. I loved the concert and the people on the lawn... and as unfortunate as this is... All I could do was pray to God that He'd bring my Zech back!
It was a beautiful night. The music was great. I couldn't tell you one song they sang, my head was in a fog. My wonderful little boy has left the building. He ran from me at every chance. Refused to listen when I talked, and even hit and pulled my hair. Dave seemed to get peaved at me for getting upset, but Dave doesn't go through what I do day in and day out. I see kids that misbehave... its usually from parents who haven't taught their kids obedience, or they are not consistent with the consequences... I have done nothing but that. I have given reasonable boundaries, I have given the same consequences for the same behavior... and nothing works. I feel utterly hopeless... but I can handle that.
I just miss my son! I want to have fun with him. Hug on him, love on him. I am TIRED! I don't want to raise my voice, I don't want to spank, I don't want to run after him praying he won't run onto the highway. I am Tired! I feel like I pull on his arms, shirt, leg constantly to get him to go and stay where I need him. I miss my fun boy! Where is he!? I am tired!
Lord, my prayer has always been for him to Hate what is evil and to cling to what is good. I have always asked that he find delight in doing good. That he is a good listener and an even better obey-er. That he would learn to behave in such a way that it comes naturally that he would listen and obey you. I am scared. I am just so scared. I don't want him to run from you, to fight your every command. To defy your guidelines. Please, God, Help him. Bring him back! I have always said he is the most obedient wild child. He may run and jump and play wild, but he has always been a great obedient boy. Bring that baby back to me! Give me clues. I need techniques and strategies so I can teach him. Lord, let this be a reflection of how his relationship with you will be. One that is quick to obey, and that does so out of joy. That is what I pray for Zech. He needs your touch. I need your touch. I am tired. I feel so weary, and I am afraid I will fall. I don't know how long I can stand. Be my legs, be my mind, be my strength. I need you so bad!--