Yesterday we drove more than normal, so I listen to K-Love for more time than normal. However I am convinced God was orchestrating the music! All the songs were worship songs from my teen years.
- Shout to the Lord
- Heaven to Earth
- Know you More
- Holy Love
- & more
It took me back to a spot in my spiritual life that I enjoyed immensely! I could enter into worship with such ease. I heard God's voice on a regular basis, I woke up praying, went to bed praying, and read the Bible many times throughout the day. (finished the entire thing in a year 2 years in a row). My witness was strong, and my verbal testimony occurred easily and often. I could speak to my friends in high school about God on a regular and real way. I had friends (unsaved friends) that would come to me for prayer, or counsel on a weekly basis. I was not seen as a hypocrite, I was not made fun of, i was respected for my beliefs and felt like it was the highlight of my spiritual walk.
I am not saying that my relationship is wavering, or that I don't wake up and go to bed in prayer. But it doesn't seem the same. I feel like my relationship with God is much more mature, and very solid. Its not as much "work" (used that word because I couldn't think of another one). But I miss the passion! I miss the worship experience, I miss the evangelism, the carefree bliss of that time of my life (spiritually speaking). I've grown cynical, frustrated, worrisome. I can't blame the ministry. I want to sometimes. When we know so much about things from a pastoral view things tend to get bogged down... but I CAN NOT blame the Ministry. I can't blame the world we live in. When sin prevails throughout our world, and within our leaders, its sad that spirituality no longer means a relationship with Christ... but I CAN NOT blame the culture. I can't blame my friends. When I was young I was surrounded my like minded Christian friends. My youth group ROCKED, my youth pastor had passion and vision. I had friends to hold me up, to support my walk, now I do not have those friends surrounding me anymore... but I CAN NOT blame my friends. So... WHO can I blame? My age, my experiences, my life? Nope... just plain ole me! I love my relationship with God. I love to listen to my music and sing to him daily, I love outreach (even though I tend to get upset more than I need to), I love the instant connect I have with God right now in my life... but I need to keep my focus on HIM! My passion focused on HIS passion. And serve Him for Him! I still miss those times in my life, but realize I have THIS time in my life to serve Him and be passionate about Him. And all that depends on me. I have nothing else to blame, or pin it on... its between me and God. I look forward to see what He's going to do in me in the coming months!
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