Keep your eyes open, arms up or the roller coaster isn't as fun!

This week has been a pure rollercoaster ride. And not one of those that you WANT to be on. There is a lot of fretting, more worrying, and even more trying to have fun on this ride. I am praying its like a real coaster that lasts such a short while! I appologize in advance for my "vague-ness". Until I get more information, I want to keep my prognosis to myself (and my family, of course). Last week I found myself in the ER , the diagnosis doesn't seem "That serious" but has the potential to become a huge issue. So I have some restrictions put on me, I can not lift my children, need to keep my feet up, and stay calm. HA! So although I am praying that I have a mild case that will heal before my next check up, I am battling the "What if it gets worse" thoughts on a regular basis. I trust my Lord, so I rely on His words, and pray for His healing...

Whats bothering me the most is my lack of energy, and the fact that I can't carry my children. Not to bed, not to the car. Not in playtime, nor when they are hurting. It is so important for me to get a good report at my next appointment that I am being very good at obeying. However, its breaking my heart. When Lily needs me, she usually needs to be carried around. Its breaking my heart not to carry her to bed, not to stand and sway with her when she's upset. I can see her behavior changing. I am pulling her to my lap anytime I can, but I know she knows the difference.

Today I look at my house and think, "I've got to pull my energy and get this house clean... the STEVIE-WAY clean!" I can do a little here, and a little there... then I decided to lay down. Lily comes up and asks to become a baby burrito (she likes to be swaddled in her blankie). So I wrap her and pull her to the couch with me. She lays there and lays there, and lays there. I lay there looking at all the school that needs to be finished before the summer, the clothes that need to be put away, the house that needs to be cleaned but close my eyes rub her back and relax a minute to just be mommy to my baby burrito! There was no stress. No thinking of what the dr could say at the next appt. No worrying about the next "drop" in this ride, not questioning if I was doing enough to stay healthy... just cuddling, just being mom, just loving on my daughter! And the thrill of this ride overcame me!