Emotional Lately??
This pregnancy is so different than the previous ones. And one of the major things that is "VERY NOTICABLE" is how emotional I am. There are days I just want to cry, don't really have a reason to, nor am I sad, or feeling down in the least little bit. However I just wanted to cry, and it won't take much to get me there. For a quick instance, watching the dad hug his daughter after she threw his one and only foul ball caught in the stands, back... that really got me! And for a good 36 hours after hearing the Green team woman from Biggest Loser's story about losing her family I was an emotional wreck!
But what I'd like to focus on here is what I cried about this last Wednesday Night. I take Zech to Cubbies on Wednesday nights. Each week Lily asks to go to. She wants to be a cubby so bad. So when it started up this year I learned there was a class for her age too. Puggles. I checked it out the first night, then came home discussed it with Dave and decided to let her go. Wednesday she got dressed with such delight, talking all the way about going to cubbies, and how much fun she would have. I reminded her that I was not staying but that I'd come back for her. She would frequently repeat the promise that I'd come back, but was confident in her excitement to go. I drop her off, she quickly says "Bye, Mommy!" and goes to play. No need to hug and kiss and prolong it. She knows I will come back. So I leave. My long walk back to my car I am reciting to myself "Don't cry! Don't cry!" I mean, seriously she's going to be there for 90 min. She isn't being raised by someone else, she isn't going EVERY DAY, she will come back to me!!! But as soon as I get in my van I burst into tears. WHY AM I CRYING??? The anxiety was just building up. my kids need this. My kids grow because of this. They may not NEED the spiritual training. That is something they get from us, and from our teachings at church. But they love the separation, the friends, and the independence. They need this to give them more confidence. So I know its a good thing and by staying and hovering, they won't get what they need to get from it. But it really filled me with such anxiety. I am not one of those moms that can't wait to get rid of my kids. I admit that I wouldn't mind time away from them from time to time. But mostly I enjoy being with them, teaching them, and watching over them. This is a dream job for me! And its hard to see them venture out without me. Rewarding to know that they are maturing into well rounded kids, able to socialize away from me, but hard to let them go. And this is such a little letting go... Oh, I hope its just pregnancy hormones!