Temporarily insane!!!




I can honestly say I really really do enjoy staying at home with my kids. I can't imagine taking them to a daycare and dropping them off only to call and check up all day long. So, what I am about to say needs to be taken with a grain of salt!
MY KIDS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! We stayed in last Thursday and did the end of the week house work because Dave had the next day off. Then we all went out for the day on Friday... that was the last day I went anywhere, and we all got out of the house! Today is MONDAY! It doesn't seem like a long time, but I have cabin fever after one day! Saturday I wanted to let Dave have a lounge around day so I didn't press to get out. Then the blizzard came. It started to really snow hard! So by afternoon, we were snowed in. Then Church gets canceled, and the Blizzard returns. So there was no outings on Sunday either. Then... we had to take our van in for some safety repairs and they inform me today (today is the day I thought I would break down and work for 50 cents an hour just to get away!) that they can't guarantee my van even by this weekend. I really feel bad for that poor man who called with the news. Zech is screaming because mamma won't blow bubbles for the next 20 hours, Lily is screaming because she hasn't learned to just FALL ASLEEP!!! And the phone rings with this horrid news.
I think Zech gets cabin fever just as bad, so he starts to get more and more wild as the hours tick and he is still in the house. He wants a snack, but can't decide which one, so no matter what I offer its as if I've offered him poison. Lily wants a nap, but has fought it so much that she can't seem to get comfy and just close her eyes and fall asleep. And I am just trying my hardest to be the best mom I can be at that moment when two kids are screaming their heads off and I can't help them at all.
I keep my cool, never raised my voice (praise God for His help) and leave Zech to find his own snack (which prompts him to make up his mind very fast!) And sway Lily just an extra second faster and all is calm. So I call the guy back, trying to figure out what I can do about our van. He offers a loaner and apologizes as he promises me he will do the best he can to get it to me before Thursday.
Hallelujah, I have a car, we're going out tomorrow! It's play date day!!! And I will forget how crazy these kids make me! I do love them so much anyway, how can I not!

My Photography


I have been told lately that my photography is really good. I want to belive that, and I want to feel more confident in what I love to do. Maybe I feel self-conscience about it because there are professional photographers in my family... I did not attend school, nor have I even read a book about it. But still, I have never taken my kids to portrait studios because I know I can take their pictures at home for free, and when they are happy and ready, not when I pre-scheduled them. I think I am getting sick of not having any confidence in them. I mean look at some...
















I can't capture that at SEARS or JC Pennys... is it possible I just might have talent. Well, maybe I can admit it to no one on here, just you other bloggers who don't really know me. But, maybe someday I will be able to really sit back and say, I am a talented photographer, and I like it!
Or is it that I get lucky with such photogenic kids? There I go again... I guess the pictures can speak for themselves.

Previous Post

This was actually published back in August 06, but I thought it was in the wrong category, so I cut and copied it in here. Here it was...


Well, I have a myspace, so on occasion, I post on there. But I wanted to start something for my little blessings! I keep a small journal for them, but don't always get to it. I thought maybe starting a blog would help me keep my thoughts down for them. When I was growing up ( I am sure every kid will hear that once or twice in their lifetime) paper and pen was all there was. Maybe a typewriter could capture thought... but my kiddos? No, they get a blog! (whatever that even stands for!) So here is the start! It is August (oh man, I don't even know!!!) Oh yeah, August 10th, 2006. I used to work outside the home and I had to write the date everyday at least once. Now... I am lucky if I know what day of the week it is! But anyway, I am 27 years old. I have Zechariah, who is 16 months, and the most amazing child I have ever seen! He has such total extremes to his personality! He can be so sweet, and calm, yet throw the meanest, nastiest, wildest fits of any kid I have ever seen! He copes well to change, and is quick to learn (just as I learn) how to deal with those outbursts. It is completely amazing! His intensity will someday turn into the most wonderful personality trait he has! He kisses on me, and loves me, is excited to see me, but if things seem to go wrong at the wrong moment, he can hit me! How is that? I will never understand, but we are working through it! And praise God, the loving comes WAY more often than the hittings! And nothing ever changes about the way we love each other! Its amazing! So to sum him up in one word... I guess by what I've just said... AMAZING! The experience, the learning, the challenges, the rewards!!! AMAZING! Just when you least expect it, he amazes you more! He has brought me into motherhood, which should I sound redundant? IS AMAZING! So that is his adjective for now! I am also 6 months pregnant with my daughter. She will bring more experiences, more learning, and more challenges... but most definately more rewards to our group! She seems much calmer than Zech did... which I am praying is part of her personality! I am so completely excited about her arrival. She should be here sometime around November 17th... We get to plan it, but haven't made it definate yet! She already has her daddy worried! He talks to Zech about protecting her and treating her with respect and dignity! He tells me that I need to be sure to get the longer skirts at the store even for the 0-3 month size. I tell him it doesn't matter, he says "It sets a precedent!" So we foresee a pretty protective DAddy!!! But, man! I can't wait! I am a stay at home mom. Something I have always dreamed about, and although we don't have everything we think we "want" materialistically, we have a bright young man that is learning in our home by his mommy and daddy! So I can't ask for much more. God has definately blessed us by allowing us to do this for our family! I am a wife. Have been for almost 6 years. It is so wonderful! Without Dave, I don't know where I'd be! He has faithfully lead our family into God's will, and I have no doubt he always will! It is a wonderful thing to share life's "life" with your best friend! We are youth pastors. It is quite the challenge, but we are a family called by God! And there is nothing more honorable than that! I love being in ministry, and I can't wait to see whats around the bend for us! So, here's the first blog... Kiddos, I love ya, and I hope MOmmy can find some time to keep this going for ya! I will share it all!!! Just for you, guys!!!

MY LIFE:


It's so funny how ever since I was WAY younger my dream was to be a Stay at home mom. To raise my kids myself. And as many dreams we have when we are younger seem to not turn out the way we intended... its just not so with this one. My life is almost exactly the way I thought it would be. Dave is a pastor, we live in a parsonage, I am a stay at home mom of TWO kids. We wake rather early, and only about 3 hours after Lily's last feeding, have breakfast. Zech goes and watches his "shows" while I clean up the kitchen and bedrooms. Our goal is TV off by 9pm and house clean. Doesn't always happen that way, but hey, I have a three month old, routines take time.
We've joined play groups and worked the mall into our days, yep, this is the life.
I've really started trying to take more pictures. I really enjoy it. I love seeing my kids laugh and getting to capture it on camera. Even if I have to fight with Zech to sit still for a single picture.




My life is turning out the way I thought it'd be. We don't have a ton of money, or wonderful fancy cars, or an elaborate material life, but I've got my devoted husband, not just to me, but to GOD, I've got my son and daughter, with the agreement we will have more. I've got family close by that I see often (something I never thought I cared about!) And I've got Christ!
My day is full of great and wonderful things. Play time, reading time, crazy physical activity time, quiet time, nap time, snack time... But even better is the devotion time we've established with Zech. I look forward to it every night. When he finds a way to climb into bed, cuddles up and listens to the Bible story. Then we point things out in teh pictures tries to say new words (still don't know how JESUS became SHANTI and how HOLY SPIRIT became HOLY another word we don't say! But we are working on it!) But he bows his head and prays with me. He mentions his daddy and sister and mamma in his prayers, then ends with the sweetest AMEN! It makes me so proud. And makes me feel like if my whole day isn't perfect, I have ended it doing one thing right! Pointing my child towards Christ. My sole purpose as a mother!

Bad Motherhood day!



I vowed to never scream at my children (or their father for that matter!). I now pray that Zech will not remember that I broke that vow! Today was not a great day for me! My house just needed a few things done to it to make it the way it should be. So I don't know if the pressure of getting that done mixed very ill with Zech's bad behavior... or if I just need more sleep overall.
He had such a large screaming fit again while I was feeding Lily. Its like he knows I can't get up and do anything, so he pushes every button possible. Well, buttons pushed is not an excuse for looking a tiny 2 year old in the face and screaming. And thats just what I did. I didn't yell bad things at him. Ididn't call him names or hurt him physically... I just yelled! LOUD!!! Then I walked him to his room. We eneded up having to sit outside his room and hold the door closed. Then finally this tiny gorgeous boy comes out and hugs me and says "sorry, mamma"... No, Mamma is sorry! There is never an excuse to yell. No matter what happens, and no matter how mad I get, I am the adult right? I set the example, right? I am shaping this boy's (and with Lily in myarms too) demeanor. What to I say? "Zech, use your words!" As I throw mine out the window and scream!

So, I am sorry, buddy!! And to Lily who was just trying to enjoy her milk. I just pray you remember all the things Mamma does right and quickly forget the many I do wrong.
I love you both!!

How can I truly scream at this gorgeous thing????

My little Ballerina!

Well, its 3 days before my baby Lily comes... its 2:36am, and she has me up already! She thinks its a wonderful game to put her hands above her head (which, since she's already head down and ready to come out... this is UNCOMFORTABLE)... so she puts her hands above her head and twirls. Look at that picture!!! Do you see room for a baby to twirl? I am very ready to lay down comfortably, to be able to lift my legs without pain, to be able to turn over at night, run, ahh, and sleep on my tummy again! But then I think about how long she's been in there and how I feel her move and squirm and how recently she will poke her foot out and Dave and I can actually measure it, and I get sad for Tuesday! Tuesday I will wake up and not be pregnant anymore! I can say it in two totally opposite tones! Yipee! I will wake up and not be pregnant anymore... and OH NO! I will wake up and not be pregnant anymore! I just love it so much! But look at me! I really can't wait! Her room is ready, her bag is packed... she's coming on Monday! I will get to hold her in my arms and cuddle her, kiss her, and caress her! Oh how delightful!
I try to picture what she will look like, then I try not to so I can be surprised! I have her tiny little clothes layed out then I see that picture above and worry she won't fit in any of them! I look a these little bitty socks and onsies and wonder what it will be like. It seems like a while since I've held a baby so small. But I know it will all come back and with such enjoyment. I already have thoughts of how she's going to be. I believe she'll be laid back, go with the flow, patient, and very cuddly. Maybe because Zech was so bouncy and loud and not as patient as a mom would want. Still a very great child, but a bit more work in some areas. So I rub my HUGE belly and remind her that I already have the crazy active boy, and I can't wait to meet my calm, patient little girl! :)
But that won't be long now! Just the weekend, then she's here! I can hardly wait! I just hope I get to sleep soon!

Why do you have to be so grown up?

My son is not even 2 and he has to do things all grown up. He doesn't want me to hold his hand as he goes down the stairs, or even help him get his coat off anymore. Our screen door doesn't latch in our new home, so if the big door is open, he can open the screen and leave if he wants. Praise God he hasn't yet, but the thought that he's capable of doing it makes me so sad. Today, I was bringing in groceries and this little 20 month old opens the door for me. Who is this tiny (well, he was never a tiny newborn) little man that used to be my baby? He talks on the phone, "Yeah... hmmm, oh, okay... sure... bye!" its so grown-up!
He's going to wake up on Monday assuming all is normal. Then he will lay down for his nap, wake up and find out that he's a big brother. A BIG brother! No! he can't be! He's a baby! But no matter what I do, he keeps getting older and more "grown-up". And I hear this will not stop! Soon I will have another little tiny baby. And she might grow up too! What will I do?
I adore the new things he can accomplish, and even though its a pain that he can get out of his room so early in the morning, its nice to know we've taught him some independence... Its just that he could have waited a bit longer to grow up!
Dave's favorite thing now is how Zech will get up ever so quietly, open his door without a creek, and sneak into our room in the early morning. He walks up to Dave's side of the bed and gently brushes his cheek. Dave purposely rolls over about 5:30 am just so he's ready for the wonderful awakening! But I remember when I'd hear this tiny baby coo in his bed in the mornings, and I'd go in and peek into his crib and he'd look up at me and kick his feet, flail his arms around, and squeal in delight as I'd scoop him up and cuddle him in my arms. No baby bed for him. No sitting still so Mommy can come in and scoop him up. Its running and jumping and climbing stairs without Mommy now!
But he's still just as cute, and oh so intelligent! I marvel at all he can learn in one day. And how cute it is to hear him say "More Melk Pees!" or "Um, yeah, okay, mama!" in response to my questions. I guess its not a complete disaster for him to grow up... I just can't believe how quickly it happens!!!

" The things we do to our kids"

We weren't the greatest parents this week! We had a lot of work to do in the Youth room this week, so our days consisted of getting Zech up, feeding him breakfast and taking him to the church to play on the drums, or watch Veggie Tales just to keep him out of our way for the "work" times. We finally get that done, and pack him up without a nap and drove him 5 hours away to HOT HOT HOT Las Vegas. As our car begins to overheat, and we turn our a/c off, I look back at this marvelous boy, who just enjoys being with his mommy and daddy, as he falls into a much needed sleep amist the skin burning heat. We finally get him back home (well, to a hotel) and try to get him to go to sleep. He is happy in the hotel, and doesn't finally wind down until 9:30p. Then we make him get up early, get ready and fly all day. As much as he is enjoying the plane ride, he is building up a no-nap day, things his mommy and daddy are responsible to provide.
On top of all that, we get him off the plane and transport him to yet another church as we go to work to have a party. At this wonderful party, Zech is expected to behave, not be a normal 18 month old who hasnt been able to effectively nap. We want him to be sweet and adoring (which, in my opinion, he did pretty well the more tired he got).
As guests arrived and wanted to greet my adorable son, he yelled and screamed at them. He arched his back and protested very loudly. I was embarrassed. Maybe not really at him, but at my parenting. Why was my child, whom I raised (or am raising) not the perfect child? Well, then I realized. It is me who is not the perfect parent. He is doing what he knows to do in this situation perfectly!
"Oh my goodness! I have had no nap, no real food, my house is somewhere across the country, and I don't want to meet you right now! just get me my bed and a good dinner and let me be!" that sounds right! haven't we all thought about saying it?
So, to my perfect little boy, Mommy is sorry! I am sorry I put unrealistic expectations on you! I am sorry that not always can I provide you the things you desire. You were very adorable for the most part, we just couldn't share it with all the guests! But Mommy appriciates your effort, and resilance! You are the most wonderful boy! And I love you screaming and all!

NO

NO! Thats all we hear anymore! NO, NO, NO!!! It has become Zech's favorite word. So we decided to stop saying it ourselves. What a common word. I am constantly catching myself. NNNNNN--- STOP THAT... NNNNN--Please don't touch that hot stove! Its a very hard habit to break. But its amazing how much it has decreased already. I have patted his lips on occasion. But I am starting to hear the word "yes". Is it possible that we've come up with a solution and it has worked this quickly? My patience want to say yes! But my experience as Mom tells me, there are more NOs to come along.

"Hitting a nerve"

I've said that a thousand times this week. Lily must be laying a certain way, a majority of the time, that is "hitting a nerve". The pain from this runs down my left leg all the way into my ankle. I can feel great one minute, then she gets into that position, and BOOM! It hurts so bad I have to revert back to lamaze breathing to get through it! It truly hurts.

I am at my mother's for the week. And it hasn't been the best week for her either. She too has a nerve that has been hit! She is a caring mother, one that loves her children and would go to the ends of the earth for them... but like many other mothers, doesn't always see that the love is reciprocal! All her children don't repay her as they should. She is worthy of so much more than she receives. I for one, "Rise, and call her Blessed!" She is a truly wonderful person. But some of her other children haven't gotten passed that selfishness "stage" long enough to look at all she's done and be thankful. They continue to turn from their upbringing, and pay consequences my mom was sure to warn them about. She can have a wonderful moment of motherhood as she sees her grandbabies who are being cared for mind, body and soul, then it seems that Satan finds that sensitive nerve, gets in that position and BOOM! It hurts her so bad! The other children are messing up royally.
I can only imagine the pain of seeing your child turn from all you've taught them, what you've prayed over them, and what you've hoped they would achieve. I'd take the pain of a pinched nerve anyday!
So I pray over my children (even as I know my mother has) and continue to pray that God will capture them when they are young. I pray over Zechariah daily that he will Hate what is evil and cling to what is good. That he will always desire to do what is right, not just because mommy desires it for him, but because God requires it! I pray that Lily will have great role models that will lead her in a pure and holy lifestyle, not just for a good reputation, but for the reputation of the God she will so easily serve!
For both my children (and any that may join them in our family) I pray that they will behave in such a way that is pleasing to God. Not because of who Daddy is in our church, but because of who their FATHER is in heaven! I pray that as scary as it may seem to let them leave my home in the future, that Daddy and I will be confident that they will stay on the right path. And lately, I mostly pray that whatever personality trait these children of my mother's have that causes them to act against all the teachings my mother has taught and all the prayers she has prayed, will never come close to my children.
I have no doubt my mother has prayed these same prayers, and whispered late in the night prayers of desperation for the salvation of her children. I can see in her lifestyle that she God has required much of her and she has consistently succeeded. So I pray God will get me to that point as well without having to go through the pain a child can bring to their mother. Then it dawns on me... I see the pain in her as her son calls her in WALMART to tell her of his latest mistake. I see her self-control, and poise even when she wants to crumble on the floor in despair, and I realize that the pain she is going through is NOTHING compared to the immense pain our Father in heaven goes through when each one of us sins!
Motherhood can be so painful! And I am not so naive to think I will never feel pain from my children, but I pray that God goes before me, prepares me, and prepares my children for a lifetime of blessings from Him! I so desire to have wonderful kids who serve the Lord, and at this point I speak those blessing over them. So I pray, Lord, hold that nerve in me... Keep it safe. Keep Satan from finding my children and pinching the nerve! Not just for my comfort, but for the kiddo's. Keep them from the pain of sin. Let them have a spirit that desires You. To please you, to honor you, to keep you close! Give me the skills to show them right from wrong, and give them the personality that makes them want to do right. Keep rebellion far from them. Let them see the teaching Daddy and I give them as beneficial, and not just rules and regulations. I give them to you, mold them, shape them, keep them! I trust in You!
Amen!